So it has been awhile since my last post. It is possible to attribute this to writer’s block, lack of sleep, sensory overload or just being too busy. I think it is a combination of all the above. But over the course of events that occurred during Sant Joan, I was inspired by the actions of one of the members of our group. Throughout our many adventures on the beaches of Spain, a unique character has emerged. He is akin to a mix of David Hasselhoff and Billy Madison, but more of a r’tard. He tends to show himself after a few Estrella Damms, San Miguels, or, on the rare occasion, Cruzcampo 40 ozs. Everyone in our generation can remember Baywatch and the incredible life lessons we learned from their fearless leader, Mitch Bucannon. Mitch and his awesome chest hair taught us such lessons as that skipping school can lead to almost drowning, how gang leaders recruit at local swimming pools, and that you should not get involved with homeless girls. The lessons we have learned from our character, we will call him Jack Sparrow, are a little different and definitely a little disturbing. We have learned the woes of premature ejaculation and the tribulations that accompany the unfortunate inheritance of the recessive penile dwarfism gene. We have learned that if the line for the port-a-potty is too long, you can always find a tool shed in a parking garage to drop the kids off at the pool and that there will most likely be a shammy cloth around for clean up. He has also taught us that passing out on the beach in Ibiza with 6 Cruzcampo 40s around you will result in a nice sunburn and hilarious pictures. We have seen him voluntarily get buried in the sand, fall asleep, get teabagged by at least 4 people, wake up not realizing he was buried and run like a wounded Tyrannosaurus Rex straight into the Mediterranean Sea, faceplanting with the force of a haymaker from Mike Tyson and losing his new €10 Ray Bans. But perhaps the most important lesson that we have learned is when Jack Sparrow comes stumbling back after an hour and a half walk with a monkey wrench, a power drill, and a shirt that is ripped in two, you know it’s going to be a great night.

Week 1

Well, I've been in Barcelona for almost a week now and it has flown by. For all of you who have been reading my posts, I appreciate your positive comments and please keep reading. There should be plenty more posts to come. This post is not like the others and is just to update everyone back home on what I have been doing over here in this wonderful country for the past 5 or 6 days.

I'm not going to talk about the flights over here because it was not exciting. Just very long and not filled with sleep. Except for the 5 seconds on one wheel during the landing in Zurich where I feared for my life a little bit. I finally met up with the rest of the group at the Barcelona airport after waiting for 5 hours. We had a bus pick us up and take us about 30 minutes to the campus and hotel that we are staying at. We have some pretty nice digs here. Its almost exactly like my dorm in Appelt except that a maid comes and cleans every morning. My roommate is Kyle and he is from La Grange. He's a chill guy and we seem to be getting along pretty well. He is friends with Tara, Mallory, Nina and Bailey who we have been hanging out with a lot. Two doors down on either side of our room is the other guys rooms. Tyler and Kyle 2.0 stay to the right and Scott and Eric are on the left. Spencer is the odd man out and has his own room down the hall. 7 guys on the trip and 25 girls. The first night we tried to find a bar to hang out at and get to know each other around the hotel but everything was closed. So we decided to venture out into Barcelona and see what we could get into. Being so unfamiliar with the train system, Charli, Ashton and I got left behind and had to wait 45 minutes for the next one. We finally made it down to Placa de Catalunya, the main square at the top of La Rambla, at about 2am and realized there was no way we were going to find the group. So we walked up and down La Rambla for a little while and eventually ran into the group on the bus back to the university at about 4.

Kyle and I woke up a little late the next day and met up with the girls and headed back into Barcelona. We walked down La Rambla during the day and it was quite interesting. Lots of tourists and street performers. But the architecture is incredible and the weather can't be beat. We all split up for lunch and Kyle, Bailey and I found this nice tapas restaurant near a beautiful church which unfortunately was under construction. We decided to be a little adventurous with our menu selections and got some kind of croquette, cuttlefish and stuffed baby squid. They were all delicious especially when washed down with a nice pitcher of sangria. We met up with the others and walked around some more and happened upon Casa Batlla, a house designed and built by the Spanish architect Gaudi. It was incredible. We paid about 13 Euro to get in and had a self guided tour around the building. Well worth it. I have never seen anything like it. There are no straight lines used anywhere in the house and the woodwork and stained-glass windows are incredible. We did a lot more walking after that and headed back to the hotel on the Metro. A bunch of us gathered in Tara and Nina's room to hang out and we stayed up and hung out for awhile.

The beach was on the agenda for the next day. Tyler, Kyle, Kyle 2.0, Scott, Eric, Tara, Mallory, Bailey, Nina and I headed out around noon. We walked by the Christopher Columbus Statue at the end of La Rambla. Supposedly it was supposed to point toward America but I heard it doesn't. We made it to the beach and set up camp. I was starving so I grabbed a quick pizza and smoothie. We laid out and swam for about 4 or 5 hours. The water is still a little cold but very refreshing. Monday happened to be some sort of national holiday. Although I'm not sure if we ever found out what we were celebrating, we found several small parades through the streets of Barceloneta and joined in on the dancing. Kyle 2.0, Bailey, Tara and I had dinner at a small restaurant by another amazing church. We had the seafood paella which was amazing. After that we headed back to the hotel and decided to stay in for the night since Tuesday was our first day of class.

8am came very early but we all finally made it to the free breakfast provided everyday by our hotel. What a spread. Eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit, nuts, pastries, cheeses, cereal, and juices. Amazing. Class was not easy. 4 straight hours. But we were glad to be done. We decided to take a small siesta and then get ready to go to dinner in Barcelona and go out for the evening. We had a small party in Tyler and Kyle 2.0's room and then headed to the Metro. We got down to La Rambla and met up with a few people from the Construction Science group at A&M studying at Barcelona University. We went to this whole in the wall bar called The Black Sheep, which is mention in a previous post. We had a great time and met lots in interesting people, including a couple guys from Holland who claimed to be roadies for AC/DC. Didn't get to bed till about 5am. Big Mistake.

I was quite surprised that only one person didn't make it to class in the morning. But about 75% of the class was either asleep on their desk, asleep sitting up, bobbing their head or throwing up in the bathroom. Daria knew what was going on too and couldn't help but laugh about it. She gets it. After class was siesta time for everyone. For some reason I couldn't sleep so I decided to write the blog about the previous night. After they woke up, Kyle, Kyle 2.0, Tara, Mallory, Bailey, Nina and I went to the beach for a few hours. A lot less people there when its not a holiday. We ate at a restaurant on the boardwalk and had the paella again. It was amazing. And the calamari was huge and delicious. We made it back to the hotel pretty late and turned in to get some sleep for the cultural trip the next day.

We left the hotel at 9am for Terragona, the Roman capitol of the Hispania region back in the day, which was about a 2 hour bus ride south down the coast. Saw a lot of really old ruins and it was all pretty interesting. We ate lunch at a buffet restaurant which had a lot of interesting selections. I'm still not sure what all of what I ate was but it was all good, including the goat meatballs, snails and small fried fish eaten head, tail and all. We made it back to the hotel about 6 and most of the group left for the airport for their weekend trip to Rome. I can't wait to read about their adventures this weekend. Almost everyone who stayed, including Amanda and Jessica who will be going to Ibiza next weekend with me and Kyle 2.0, decided to go to the Hard Rock in the Placa ded Catalunya. It was over an hour wait but the food was good as was the sangria. We caught the 1am bus home and hit the sack.

Well now you are pretty much up to date with everything going on here in Barcelona. Today was a day to catch up on sleep because it was raining which made the bike tour we were supposed to go on a less attractive idea. More posts to come. Thanks everyone for reading.

ATTN American Guys Traveling in Europe: How NOT to Hit on European Girls

Just to make it clear, this is NOT how you hit on European girls while traveling abroad.

First Mistake:
Wearing board shorts with Scooby Doo boxers and walking around the beach with a 2 Euro bottle of wine while checking out every girl you walk past with you sunglasses that do not hide your eyes.

• Drinking in public does not make you look cooler. And blush wine? Seriously?
  

Second Mistake:
Opening with, "Do you speak English?" Followed by, "Do you have a cigarette I could bum?"

• You might as well say, "I'm arrogant, ignorant, too dumb to learn another language and I only smoke when I drink blush wine on the beach with my bros and Scooby Dooby Doo."
  

Third Mistake:
Trying to look like a badass by blowing the cigarette smoke out as hard and fast as possible while commenting on how gay her Russian cigarette is.

• As we learned in my previous post, "Women are subtle creatures who appreciate and recognize subtleties, which is why when talking to a woman you are interested in it is important for the actions of your lips to convey the correct message." Smoking a cigarette like that sends the message that you want to get in and out as quick as possible and you won't last long.
  

Fourth Mistake:
After finding out the girls are from Russia, yelling over to your "bro", "Hey Peter, check it out. These girls are Russian!" I should mention that if your "bro" is going to shave his chest, make sure he does it a day before, not a week before. No girl likes stubble.

• I mean that's just sloppy. Make an effort. Or get a better wingman.
  

Final Mistake:
Asking her, "So where were you when all that crazy Serbia shit went down?"

• Enough said.
  

Advice on Women from "Dirk Diggler"

I had no idea upon entering La Ovella Negra (The Black Sheep), a hole in the wall bar off of a side street on La Rambla in Barcelona, that I was going to leave filled with so many nuggets of wisdom about women provided to me by my new friend "Dirk Diggler". It was easy to tell with the way "Dirk" was dressed that he knew something I didn't when in comes to the art of understanding our counterparts and some might have even referred to him as a "modern-day Casanova." I sat down at a table in this cave-like establishment to enjoy a nice glass of sangria surrounded by my new found friends and adopted family and was blessed enough to possess the seat next to His Awesomeness. What transpired over the course of the next couple hours can only be described as the most influential and life changing lesson I have ever been taught. I am not quite sure how the topic arose but somehow it was in the stars that Mr. Diggler chose me to be the beneficiary of such a wealth of knowledge. I almost feel guilty about posting on the web what should be writted on papyrus and displayed in a museum. In the following bulletpoints is a Cliff's Notes version of the words that have made me a better man.

• Women are subtle creatures who appreciate and recognize subtleties, which is why when talking to a woman you are interested in it is important for the actions of your lips to convey the correct message.
• There are three ways a guy can act towards a woman in order to get what he wants: like a "bitch", like a "bitch ass", and like a "cool dude". Act like a "bitch" when you want something for free. Act like a "bitch ass" when you want her to not ask you for anything. Act like a "cool dude" when you want to keep her guessing and for her to see you as mysterious and that there is something more that she really wants to learn about you.
• Women send messages to us through what they wear when they go out. Jeans say, "You are going to have to do some work to get in my pants." Pink or red says, "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" T-shirts say, "I am just here to get drunk." Black or white dresses say, "I'm not wearing any underwear and this dress would look great on your bedroom floor."
• Chest hair is not always a bad thing. Look at me. I have chest hair and I'm awesome and the ladies love me.

I am excited for all of you who now know what I know. Like I said earlier, I am a better man now that I understand women more completely. Thank you "Dirk Diggler". You are my hero, my idol, my teacher, my guardian angel, my role model and my friend.

And you thought American strippers had it bad.....

My first observation about European culture came to me while staring out the window of the Metro on the way to Barcelona. So as I am spacing out on the 30 minute train ride to get to the center of Barcelona, I realize that my pocket is full of change. One thing that bugs the hell outta me is change in my pocket. The smallest bill in Euros is a 5, but they have 1 and 2 Euro coins. At the same time, "Make It Rain" starts playing in my head (FYI if you don't know this about me, I like to have a soundtrack to my life so most of the time there is a song playing in my head. Yesterday the song was "Copa Cabana" don't ask me why.) So as I am picturing Lil' Wayne making it rain in the club, I begin to wonder: "Do ballers in Europe make it rain on them hoes?" My conclusion was that it would be quite rude to make it rain with Euros. Actually, I think a more accurate phrase would be to "make it hail." Therefore, I think that it is an unwritten law that unless you are an absolute baller and can afford to toss around 5E bills, which is about $8, please refrain from doing so with the change in your pocket. I don't know about you, but I like my strippers without knots and bruises.